Once Upon a time….. there was a young girl who dreamed of meeting her prince charming. She dreamed of their romance, the holding of hands, the memories made, the falling in love and then getting married and living happily ever after…..
Happily ever after….ahhh yes, doesn’t that statement just bring warm-and-fuzzies to you. That happy feeling inside, knowing all is well, no more adversity or challenges, just blissful existence. You know as a child you think of big life events, graduating high school, college, maybe even grad school, getting married, buying a house…and a car, and then starting a family….but I can honestly say I never thought about life AFTER all those things happened, what it would be like, what would bring me joy, what to look forward to, or what I would get excited about. And then all of a sudden, you’re here…in the “ever after” part of your fairytale, the wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee, congrats you’re a grown up now….
A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.
Proverbs 16:9
So much has happened in this last year, happy stuff, funny stuff, and hard stuff - you know, the stuff that “builds character” as my mom would say. The cliff notes version would be as follows:
1) We did get pregnant again! God truly answered our prayers - he also took me up on my end of the “bargan” - lets be honest - God is God, I am mearly human - he does not need anything I have to offer so I’m kidding myself to think so….but I did early on in the pregnancy have bleeding that came and went and I literally begged God to save our baby and that I would endure whatever sickness, illness, pain and long and/or hard labor to have this baby. Yeah…. just a little word of advice…don’t ever ask God for stuff like that and expect him not to take you up on it….lesson learned…
2) I went back to work…sort-of, in a very modified way. After my morning sickness resolved-ish and I began to feel human again, I was itching for some mental stimulation and signed on with a medical group that finds me random assignments I can do as a nurse practitioner. Nothing consistent - you know, just a little here or there. I did a few really interesting assignments - everything from working in the Emergency Room again to seeing patients in a semi-trailer truck in a loading dock of a factory.
Yep - That’s how I like to roll….my fav part was when you needed a bathroom break, I had to wear eye protection to go into the factory…now I’ve got some pretty cool eye gear next time I do a home improvement project!
I also now have a great “have you ever” phrase….maybe I’ll have a chance at winning that game next time we’re all sitting around waiting for our restaurant table to be ready:-)
3) Florida - most note-ably Seaside, FL and more specifically Watercolor….Our annual family vacation (with my side of the family) did once again commence and we drove the 16hr drive to the pan-handle of FL and stayed in a very posh, ubber-glam house in the little bit of utopia. It was amazing since all siblings - accept for my one brother who was unable to make it due to his work - were together, I met my nephew for the first time ever,
and Josh and I had a lovely date(s) to a restaurant literally on the sand dues and from a steamliner-turned-donut-bakery…yes heaven…literal heaven. I was 34/35 weeks preggers during this trip…rocked a one piece at the pool and turned heads with my waddle, and have my mother’s “pregnancy goddess” genes to thank for no swelling even after the long drive there and back - truly a miracle
4) Josh is now in his last year of training and we are beginning the process of looking at where we want to stay for the next 3-5 years.
I’d be lying to you if I said I’m excited about it. I mean 3 years ago I dreamed of this time…where I’d finally get my husband back…you know since medicine literally owns him…and yet here I am semi-dreading it. Why you may ask? Because we both love our families and want to be near them…so staying put here for another 3 years just makes everything sticky, messy, not fun…AND
5) I have now joined the ranks of “Mama’s” all around the world, I have a lovely, terrible, crazy, long, v painful labor story that I can now share with the best of them….but most importantly I am living my dream, pure - earthly bliss - Lydia Rose made me a Mama this July and life has changed in so many ways. I am sure the things I say and do are not far off from what every other mother has done - from looking down and admiring that little face seeing her daddy in it, and myself at times to holding regular conversations with her - I just love her:-) Holding and kissing those little fingers long after she finished feeding and fell asleep in my arms, comes in a close second to the sweet whiff of baby shampoo I get as she snuggles her little head up to mine as I carry her to her little bassinet at night. I struggle daily with just sitting there, holding her, admiring her, questioning why I was so blessed to get her while thanking God for her. My latest challenge is just trying my hardest to absorb, savor and remember all the sights, smells and little sounds she makes while talking myself into and out of putting her down. I check on her repeatedly while she sleeps and if it starts to push 3 hrs of nap time during the day, I start to miss her! And lastly on my baby list - I think I cried a little when I had to put away her newborn gown because her little feet kept popping out the end at night and the were icy cold - enter mom guilt.
So that is a year in a post- there are so many stories to tell - some of which may slowly come to be posted - others are best told in person. But most importantly I have seen God’s relentless love, his grace and mercy - words I never truly understood until I became a mother. I understand life in a different way - the things I used to be so excited and passionate about, somehow don’t matter anymore. Gosh, I was talking to my dad the other day and he made mention of the new iPhone that just came out…and I was shocked that we were now on #11…I’m sitting over here happily filling up the iPhone and cloud storage on my IPhone 8 with baby pictures!
So I’m not sure what the next 10, 15 or 20 years look like, but if it’s anything like this year I’m looking forward to more of this happily ever after life…
Written Oct 2019